30 Day Song Challenge Day 23 - A Song That I Want To Play At My Wedding

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

It's a little bit late for that. I was married over 31 years ago. We had a very small, very private registry office ceremony, with only two friends as witnesses and no family or other guests present. We didn't have a reception, so the question of what songs to play never arose.

Looking back on the music of the time though, One song stands out from February 1980. It reached number one in the charts and was the best selling single of that month.  I remember at the time, not being particularly into the ska/post-punk/mod style music released on the 2 Tone label, but of that genre of bands that were around at the time, I think that there's only 'The Specials' that I still remember with any kind of nostalgia.

Technically this was released under the name of "The Special A.K.A. Featuring Rico" and though it isn't particularly suitable for a song at a wedding, it would have been if a) we'd had any 'pickni' (children) at the time and b) if Terry Hall had burst into the registry office during the ceremony, with his 'rude boys' in their pork pie hats and started singing it to my future wife.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 22 - A Song That I Listen To When I'm Sad

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Like all people, I have problems, more than most it seems sometimes; but if I think about it practically I realise there are a lot who suffer a lot more than I do. I've always followed the philosophy of 'Constructive Pessimism' in that I'm not going to pretend that everything is hunky dory, but I comfort myself by believing that however bad things are, they'll get better.

I can deal with most things that get me down, either by putting them in perspective and realising that they're not really as bad as they first seem, or by putting my mind to solving my problems and doing my best to put things right.

So my mood often goes to and fro, from good to bad, but sooner or later, I cope and I manage not to stay too saddened, for too long. In fact the only sad feeling I'm not really able to deal with is loss: whether it be by bereavement, or simply loss of someone because a relationship has come to an end. That's one feeling I find difficult to handle, because it's the one situation I can do absolutely nothing to resolve. I just have to put up with it and suffer.

Here's another Streets song, and in this one, I think that Mike Skinner does a bloody good job of expressing that feeling of hopelessness that comes with loss. Most of us can relate to the situation he describes, and he expresses it so realistically, that I for one begin to recall similar moments in my own life, and I feel it, just as much as I'm sure he did when he experienced whatever situation it was that inspired the song.

Well now I've probably depressed you all, listen to the song anyway. It's really a beautiful piece. Unfortunately I couldn't find a proper video to go with this, the full length version of the song, so the video here just displays the lyrics, but then again, that isn't such a bad thing.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 21 - A Song That I Listen To When I'm Happy

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This one is a real oldie. It's one of those songs that just cheers me up whatever mood I'm in, but also makes me feel especially good on the occasions when I'm already feeling happy. It's a song that doesn't have to be, and indeed shouldn't be taken too seriously.

The Small Faces produced a lot of good songs when they were around in the second half of the 1960s, producing songs like the typical sixties pop classics Sha-la-la-la-lee and All or Nothing and the psychedelic masterpiece Itchycoo Park but none of their other songs has the same feel-good factor that this song has.

Steve Marriott wrote this song for fun, about his dealings with his own neighbours, and never intended it to be released, getting annoyed when the record company released it as a single without the band's authorisation.

I'm glad they did though, It's the most uplifting of any of the Small Faces songs, and as much as any other it forms part of the memorial to the lives of Marriott and of the late Ronnie Lane.

Just Call Me "Abi Tofagit"

My eldest daughter is at an age when she likes to party. Most of the parties she arranges or attends need to have a theme for some reason, and a theme requires fancy dress. Often even quiet nights in with friends are themed as are the occasional nights out around the town, and most of these require some kind of fancy dress. 

My daughter enthusiastically creates her own costume for each of these occasions and keeps them afterwards. She probably has enough now to open her own fancy dress costumier, providing all her customers are the same size as her, of course.

A few months ago, Mrs Bartie and I were out shopping, quite a way from home when she mentioned that Natalie was having some trouble getting hold of some of the gear she needed for her next fancy dress costume. I remembered that a couple of weeks earlier, travelling to my doctor's surgery along that very road, I'd spotted a shop that specialised in party novelty wares.

Being a bit of a joker at the best of times, rather than just tell Mrs Bartie about the shop, I began to spin a tale about a guy I met the week before, a friend of someone I knew, who owned that very shop along this road.

"What was his name," she asked.

"It was something foreign," I replied, "Something odd. I think it was Tofado; Everyone was calling him 'Abi' but it turns out that was short for Abraham. Yes, that was it Abraham Tofado. I think his family came from Eastern Europe."

"So his shop is along this road is it?" she asked. "What is it called?"

"I've no idea," I said, "I presume it's just called Abi, or Abraham, Tofado. I'm sure it's along here somewhere though. We'll have to keep an eye open for it."

Eventually, as we walked along we arrived near the shop. At first I thought that Mrs Bartie wasn't going to spot it, and I was worried that all my intricate set-up had been in vain, when suddenly she called out: "I've found it. There it is, across the road!"

I'd got her. She'd fallen for my prank hook, line and sinker, though at first she just looked puzzled, and even though I stood there giggling like a child, it took her a full half minute of staring at the shop front before realisation finally dawned and she became aware that she'd been pranked.

The party supplies store, allegedly owned by the mysterious Abraham Tofado!

30 Day Song Challenge Day 20 - A Song That I Listen To When I'm Angry

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I've found this to be the hardest category to choose a song for so far. You see, I don't get angry too often, but when I do, the last thing I want to do is listen to music.

What is the music meant to achieve exactly? Is it supposed to calm me down and soothe my temper? It wouldn't. Believe me, when I am angry it takes more than a song to make a difference. In fact, I'm not even sure that I'd want it to make me less angry; I suppose it depends on why I'm angry in the first place.

So I chose a song, a tune, that wouldn't even have a chance of cheering me up, but then again, it wouldn't make me angrier or even distract me from my mood in any way at all.

This song from the early seventies, is a jazz-rock fusion tune, (probably the best example of jazz-rock fusion ever,) and since I usually detest jazz, but love rock guitar, keyboards and drums, it seems to provide a nice balance, so that I'm not going to enjoy it so much that it cheers me up, but there's also not quite enough jazz to annoy me or bore me either.

The perfect song to keep my mood, whatever it is, simmering along nicely.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 19 - A Song From My Favourite Album

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There are loads of albums that I like a lot, many of which I've thought of as my 'favourite album' at different times of my life; but for this selection, I wanted to choose something more contemporary than  many of the records I bought in the '70s and '80s.

When an album is critically acclaimed, it's usually as a result of the overall impression of the entire album, and rarely down to the merits of individual tracks. It's very rare that you'll come across an album that works as a whole, where each individual track is also memorable in it's own right. Often, listening to some of the 'best albums' as defined by 'the experts' will find you skipping past songs that just don't appeal.

American Idiot by Green Day is a rare album, and a favourite of mine. It's a concept album, though the conceptual connections are not immediately apparent; the story that the album tells only becomes evident when you listen to it throughout, and then it usually takes a couple of times or more.

The overall style of the album is refreshing; In their previous album, Green Day had taken a different direction by becoming more 'acoustically' based, and though this helped some people take them a little more seriously, it was also at the cost of losing the established Green Day sound that their many fans liked. American Idiot saw a return to their trademark style, though some acoustic aspects remain; the originality of this album was that it didn't always follow the traditional verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge rock tune structure of most of the band's previous works, showing that Green Day had evolved into something more than the 'skater-punk' band they once were.

The one thing that struck me about this album, from the first time I heard it, was that there wasn't a single track on there that I didn't like. From the epics Jesus of Suburbia and Homecoming through the awesome Boulevard of Broken Dreams and the almost 'Beatle styled' Extraordinary Girl, not to mention Holiday and the title track: American Idiot. The track I've chosen here though, is Wake Me Up When September Ends which, though not quite as successful as 'Boulevard' is a masterpiece in my opinion. It shows Green Day in a different light, having a new found maturity.

The official video for this takes the form of a feature that's almost twice as long as the original song; it also tells a story separate to the one expressed on the album, so I've posted here, just the song without the video.



One track from this album isn't enough, so see also Dorian Gray Had A Portrait. Billy Joe Armstrong Has A Bassist

30 Day Song Challenge Day 18 - A Song That I Wish I Heard On The Radio

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

As I mentioned yesterday, I haven't regularly listened to broadcast radio for a while now. If I did, I may have discovered The Baseballs a little earlier than I did, though I'm almost certain that I'd have had to tune into some European radio station or other, since I'm certain that they're hardly ever played on British radio.

That's a shame, because I've found them very entertaining. The Baseballs are a German 'traditional' rock and roll band from Berlin. They're traditional in style, though they specialise in performing cover versions of contemporary songs in a 1950s style with particularly 'Elvis Presley' stylings. Believe me, the finished result is better than it sounds.

I'd like to hear some of their repertoire on the radio from time to time:  Angels (Robbie Williams) and Don't Cha (Pussycat Dolls) are particularly entertaining, and I think that their versions of Umbrella (Rihanna) and Poker Face (Lady Gaga) are much better than the originals.

For this post though, I've chosen a particular Baseballs track that I think is relevant, because it's their cover of yesterdays selection which received a hell of a lot of airplay only a couple of years earlier.

Dorian Gray Had A Portrait. Billy Joe Armstrong Has A Bassist...

In The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, the eponymous hero sells his soul to the devil, in order to keep his youth and beauty. From that point onward, a portrait of him shows all the signs of age instead of him, whilst he remains young forever.

I'm beginning to think that something similar has happened in Green Day.

When the band was formed back in 1987, Billy Joe Armstrong (vocals, lead guitar) and Mike Dirnt (backing vocals, bass guitar) were both 15 years old, in fact Armstrong was almost three months older than Dirnt.

Twenty four years on, both of them are pushing forty, though you wouldn't think so by looking at them, though for different reasons. Where Armstrong seems to have aged at a reduced rate, if at all, Dirnt is unfortunate in that it would be kind to say that he 'looked his age.' As you can see from the video posted here, even back in 2004, at 32 he already looked like a cross between Charlie Watts and Bill Nighy, whereas Armstrong looked hardly out of his teens.

Could it be that Armstrong has made his own pact with the devil, sacrificing Dirnt's youth in order to retain his own?

30 Day Song Challenge Day 17 - A Song That I Often Heard On The Radio

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

You may notice that I've changed the title of this post to read 'I often heard' rather than 'I often hear'.  In these days of internet radio, Youtube and sites like Blip.fm, we pretty much choose what we want to hear on the radio, so much so that I rarely listen to broadcast radio at all these days, not enough to know which songs are getting excessive airplay anyway.

There's a reason for that: years ago radio provided, amongst other things, a shop window for new talent, a place where newer bands and performers had their first exposure to the public, where their previously limited local following got the chance to expand into a national or even global marketplace. Radio was somewhere you discovered new bands; ok, so most of the stuff played on there was produced by established performers, but even they, for the most part, had received their first public exposure on the radio.

It doesn't happen like that anymore. Non-established bands are introduced to new followers by word of mouth, or on the internet, and if you do eventually hear them on the radio, it certainly isn't down to the radio stations introducing them to new audiences in the first place. Radio seems these days to be restricted either to existing acts, most of which are producing the same old stuff, or to media manufactured performers, whose future career is already set and controlled by the TV and media machine that created them. Each time a new winner of X-Factor or American Idol releases their first single, the promotion mechanism springs into action: despite having a pre-established following that almost guarantees recording success, the radio stations jump on the band wagon and give these people almost unlimited airplay.

Very occasionally, these performers may produce songs that stand on their own merit, which may have achieved success whether the singer had been 'manufactured' first or not, but of course there's no way of telling for sure if this would have indeed been the case. For these performers, sales and therefore success, is guaranteed.

Back in autumn 2007, the previous year's X-Factor winner released her second single, and for weeks it seemed that it was all I heard on the radio. It went on to reach number 1 in the singles chart in 34 countries, so in those places that had never come across X-Factor at least, perhaps its success was based on its merit rather than entirely on its promotion.

Could YOU Be A Destroyer Of Worlds?

Let me present to you a scenario born purely of imagination.

Even though this situation could only ever be possible within the realms of science fiction, I'd like you to imagine yourself as being a part of it, and then determine your response to the moral dilemma presented and the reasons for your response.

A visitor appears in your world, and when examined by scientists, his claim to have arrived from a parallel universe is verified. It seems that the universe this person originates from is identical to your own in every way possible.

The scientific establishment therefore deduces that there must exist in your own universe, an individual who is identical in every way to the visitor: his counterpart in your own universe so to speak. No stone is left unturned, until it is revealed that the visitor's double is none other than YOU.

Scientists examine the pair of you for purposes of comparison, and at first can find no differences whatsoever; however after a time certain aspects become apparent that reveal features about you that do not apply to your 'doppelganger'.

It would appear that your meeting with your counterpart from the alternate universe has initiated a change in you at the sub-atomic level. Your very being has become unstable and the scientists predict that in less than 48 hours, your body will become so volatile that it will explode, destroying the entire planet, as well as all of the matter in space around it to a distance of a number of light years. There is nothing within the capabilities of science to prevent it. It is inevitable. It's also determined that there is no way to remove you to a safe distance from the Earth, no way to leave you to your individual fate, leaving the rest of humanity unscathed. It is irrefutable that you represent the doom of mankind and will without doubt, prove to be its destruction.

There is nothing you can do to prevent this. Everyone you love, everyone and everything you've ever known, everything that exists in your world will be obliterated in the next two days. You have no choice but to resign yourself to your own annihilation; your family, friends and acquaintances faced with the same fate, realise that this isn't anything you can control and so they don't hold you responsible.

Even your counterpart, is filled with sorrow over the fate of the people who are in effect, identical to his own loved ones, and even feels a little guilty in knowing that of all the people in the world, only he will survive, as he is able to return to his own universe before yours meets its fate.

A day before the end of everything is due as predicted, representatives of the world's governments, approach you. They have imprisoned your counterpart and confiscated the equipment by which he moves between universes. They make a request of you publicly, so that the entire world knows of it. They ask you to return to the alternate universe in your double's stead, so that it will be the other universe that is destroyed. This will not of course do anything to prevent your fate, but your loved ones, friends and family here will survive, together with everyone else in the world: in this world at least.

Everyone you know begs you to agree. They don't want to die and recognise this as their only chance of survival. Of course it will mean that every one of their counterparts in the other universe WILL be destroyed.

The moral dilemma is: Do you accept?

Issues that you may like to consider:

• Do you sacrifice yourself to save everyone you know, even if it means the destruction of other innocent people? 

• Do you actively bring about the destruction of all in one universe, to prevent your passive part in the destruction of another?

• Will the knowledge that you've saved your loved ones ease your guilt that you've actively destroyed their counterparts in the other universe?

• Does it matter that the other universe is identical to yours? Do you have any moral obligation to help the people in that universe, or indeed any moral restriction to harming them?

• Is your moral obligation just to your own universe, or to all of reality as a whole? Are you obligated to the other universe as much as you are to your own?

• Does the blame lie with the visitor, and if so, should he be held responsible, and if possible return with you to his own certain obliteration?

• Since the journey between universes originated in the other universe, does that make them responsible for the calamity to come? Are they therefore less deserving of survival than your own universe?

• If left in your universe, and being identical to you, would the visitor be able to carry on in your stead? Would he be accepted by your people? Would he resent what your universe had done to his?

I would ask you all, (in fact I'm begging you all) to express your views in the comments section following this post.

There are no right or wrong answers, either ethically or logically, but it would be interesting to discover the opinions of various people, to see how they differ, and to discuss the ins and outs of each.

Please, PLEASE comment below:

30 Day Song Challenge Day 16 - A Song I Used To Love But Now Hate

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I did indeed used to love this song, and to be honest, I don't really hate it now. It's just that my attitude to it and to the person who performs it has changed somewhat.

Back when I bought the album that featured this song I was only 15. At that age, music that's designed to shock was fine; the fact that it shocked was even an attribute in my eyes back in those days, but like I said: I was only 15. My parents didn't like the music and that was fine by me; the media was full of reports about how inappropriate many of the songs on the album were, and that just made me, as a teenager, more determined to listen to it.

Now this song does certainly have it's good points: lots of them. It's an absolute rock classic:  the drums are brilliant, the vocals, performed with two separate voices are very effective, and the guitar is probably some of the best I'd ever heard from a rock album in the seventies.

It's the theme and the subject matter, the very thing that shocked at the time, one of the things that made it so attractive to me back then, that has made me change my mind about it nowadays.

Alice Cooper, (the man, the band, the 'act',) was all about theatrics, and that's fine. I never had the chance to see them live, but their concerts were supposed to be an experience worth having, and the shock factor was all part of the theatrical aspect. That's fine when your target audience are teenage boys, but Alice was 25 years old when this album was released, and was able even then to win over an audience solely by way of his incredible talent without resorting to deliberately aiming to offend with unsavoury subject matter.

The reason I hardly listen to this song these days is more to do with disappointment than with any kind of dislike. Though musically, this song represents one of Alice Cooper's finest moments, in all other respects, Alice was capable of so much more. Alice carries a lot of respect these days, though I'm sure he'd command a lot more respect from a lot more people, if he didn't have songs with themes like this in his repertoire.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 15 - A Song That Describes Me

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This is such a stupid category. How can there possibly be a song that describes me? Most people won't know of a song that describes them, though they may latch onto a song that says something that relates to certain episodes in their life, or perhaps to one aspect of their character.

And of course, that's what this category is designed for: It's meant to reveal what we think of ourselves rather than what we think of the music we're listening to. A thinly disguised attempt to put ourselves up as subjects for amateur psychoanalysis.

OK then, Here's a song that will really give all you psychologists out there a run for your money. Analyse me from this one if you think you're up to the task. I'll expect you to be sending around the ambulance with the padded waistcoat inside it later.

Songs don't describe me. What I listen to doesn't describe me. Only what I say and what I do describes me and defines me.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 14 - A Song That No-one Would Expect Me To Love

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

It depends on how well you know me I suppose, but as I'm not really into stage musicals, this is a song that most people wouldn't expect me to be too fond of, but I find this song so moving and so inspirational that I love it.

The message of the song, which is the true message of the story it comes from is that rather than 'the end justifying the means.' the end isn't so relevent providing the means is right, that success or failure isn't a mark of how well you've lived your life, but the methods you use to reach that eventual success or failure is more important, and that what you achieve is of secondary importance when compared to the way you go about achieving it.

It's not a bad philosophy to live by, that even when you think you're destined for failure, that you should still do your best to achieve success in the purest and most noble & ethical way you can. Then even if you don't achieve your ends, you'll have done the right thing.

The following video contains the song with two reprises, plus scenes from the movie version of 'Man of La Mancha' too, including excerpts from a couple of the other songs, so you're in for over eight minutes of entertainment.

Bear with it though, because the final reprise of the song is so rousing and inspiring that if it affects you like it affects me, you'll feel like standing up and applauding by the end.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 13 - A Song That Is A Guilty Pleasure

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This song is so wrong for me; it's nothing like the kind of stuff I usually like (though I like to think my tastes are varied.) It's the kind of trashy pop that my daughters used to listen to, that made me look on them with misgivings when they got to a certain age and still hadn't outgrown it. (I always looked on it as a stop-gap for them between worshiping boy bands and getting into 'proper' music!)

I don't know why I like it. (to be honest there are a number of songs that hold that particular mystery for me, but some of them carry too much guilt for me to admit to, even here.) Perhaps its the changes, the constant swap between different styles, that does it for me: the contrast between her being all sugary sweet and then bordering on being the veritable 'rock-chick'. I think perhaps it's because amongst all the young female vocalists that seemed to arrive around five to ten years ago, she seemed like one who may have potential. "There's a hell of a lot more to me," she sings in the song: perhaps there is.

Just "Hello" Would Probably Work Better Lionel

Cool or Creepy? You Decide

Lionel Richie may be a successful recording artist, both as the front man of The Commodores and as a solo artist in his own right. He might also be an accomplished song writer too. He's had a long and impressive career in the music industry and has probably made himself quite an enviable fortune in the process.

But I have this nagging feeling that he's not particularly good when it comes to picking up girls.

This is made evident by the fact that one of the most successful songs he's ever written, is clearly sung from the point of view of a sad stalker type. Mr Richie probably thinks that the lyrics to this song are very romantic, but if you take the trouble to study them, they're really quite strange and creepy, and anyone will realise that if you were to take that approach to meeting a girl with the hope of starting a relationship, you'd be lucky to not get reported to the police. Your chances of success would be small to none indeed.

Here are the lyrics to the aforementioned song; each line is accompanied by a likely response from the poor unfortunate lady who might be the object of the singer's attentions:

I've been alone with you inside my mind,

Now that's just a bit creepy, to be honest.

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times,

Telling me that makes me feel somewhat violated actually.

I sometimes see you pass outside my door,

What? are you watching me from the window then?

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

Since I 'pass outside your door', obviously not.

I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile,

You can see what exactly?

You're all I've ever wanted and my arms are open wide,

Now that's an image of 'needy' I can live without, thank you very much

Because you know just what to say and you know just what to do,

You're right, I do. How about I say "piss off" and I kick you in the balls?

And I want to tell you so much I love you.

No, I'd rather you didn't

I long to see the sunlight in your hair,

I'm okay with that, but from a distance eh?

And tell you time and time again how much I care,

Hmm, I think that would get monotonous, and nauseating too.

Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow,

Right now I think my stomach's about to overflow

Hello, I've just got to let you know,

Yes, I noticed

Because I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do,

I'm worried that you know EXACTLY where I am and EXACTLY what I'm doing, ALL the time.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?

No. I'm here, feeling bothered and there's someone pestering me.

Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue,

I'm telling you nothing; I'd rather leave you clueless thank you.

But let me start by saying I love you.

That's not going to do it, so don't bother.

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I think I've already made it clear that this ISN'T the case

Because I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do,

I'm still here, trying to get away from you

Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?

I bloody well wish I were, anything is better than here.

Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue,

Well how about just leaving me alone you weirdo?

But let me start by saying I love you.

And let me finish by saying "Fuck off you stalker."

30 Day Song Challenge Day 12 - A Song From A Band I Hate

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

How can I possibly post a song I like from a band I hate? If I could do that, then I wouldn't really hate them would I? But then again, how do I choose a song from the repertoire of a band who only produce songs that I detest?

So I've chosen a band that I hate, not for any particular song they've produced; in fact I feel quite indifferent to most of their stuff. I hate this band because I just don't get it. I don't see what people could possibly find likeable or impressive in anything they've ever produced. Just about everything of theirs I've ever heard reminds me of the kind of crap they play in the background in shopping centres: Their music has hints of jazz/funk (which I detest,) and they've never produced any memorable tunes or meaningful lyrics either.

I give you: Jamiroquai (otherwise known as "Jammy Rocky" or "The Twat in the Hat")

30 Day Song Challenge Day 11 - A Song From My Favourite Band

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

Let me be perfectly honest to begin with: I don't have a favourite band. I don't think most people do, not perennially anyway, because our tastes change as our lives change, and so do those things we look upon as 'favourites.'

I like a number of bands; but I'm not obsessed with any particular group or performer. I don't mind admitting that even the acts I like a lot, sometimes produce songs that I don't like, and even occasionally ones I can't really stand. I think it's best to judge every piece on its own merits and not just accept it because it's by your 'favourite band.'

Having said that, I tried to think of a band that I've liked for a long time, who would regularly produce songs that I loved. There were a number of candidates, but the one I chose, mostly because they were around for so long, and through their own changes, and through my own life changes, they always seemed to appeal to me, is Pulp.

This particular song is one of my favourites. Even though part of a studio album, it (sounds like it) was recorded live, and there's a certain 'stadium' feel to it, as though you're listening to a performance rather than just a recording. At times it has hints of 'David Bowie' about it too. It's a shame Jarvis Cocker never made it to the heights that Bowie did, internationally; though here in the UK, he's always been in a 'different class.'

30 Day Song Challenge Day 10 - A Song That Makes Me Fall Asleep

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

I like to enjoy music by giving it my fullest attention, so I don't really have any songs I'd listen to deliberately to nod off. Any song that makes me fall asleep does so as a result of absolutely boring me until I can hold out no longer and just can't resist dropping off.

This is one such song. Whatever other merits people may find in it, the only thing that I notice is the monotony of the music, the words, and most of all the vocals; I suppose the singer should be congratulated, because it can't be easy to sing a whole song in a single unwavering tone all the way through. (I say all the way through, but to be honest, I can't remember the last time I sat through this without dropping off before the end.)

Let me present my 'alternate' lyrics. I think that these words, though not entirely accurate, are only slightly less boring than the original ones:

On the first part of the journey,
I was looking at all the sand.
There was sand and rocks and rocks and sand,
And sand and rocks and sand,
The first thing I met was a rock in some sand,
And some more rocks surrounded by sand.
The heat was hot, and the rocks were hot,
And the heat was full of sand,

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out of the rain,
In the desert there ain't any rain,
Just rocks and sand and it all looks the same.
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la

Ok, so if you're seated or lying down or at least have someone to catch you, and of course providing you're not operating any heavy machinery, here it is: ZZZzZZzZZzZzzZzzzZzzzzZzzzzzzzzz......

Sitting On The Fence...

Despite the recession, there seems to be a little bit of urban regeneration going on in Hull, and to the passer by, it probably looks attractive; but then the passer by only sees what the council wants them to see, and it isn't the passer by that's condemned to live in squalor because of the money saving policies of the current local and national governments.....

There's an area in West Hull where a recent scheme has seen hundreds of private homes and businesses on Anlaby Road and many of the streets off it, getting brand new perimeter walls and railings, at no cost to the individual homeowners or business proprietors.

 

This is close to where recent spending cutbacks have led to the council reneging on a compulsory purchase agreement on nearby homes earmarked for clearance, leaving many residents unable to move, and living among other derelict, rat infested buildings until the council sees their way clear to honouring their original agreement.

 

If you enquire of course, the council will tell you that the cash for the walls and railings came from separate sources and couldn't be used to help the victims of the halt on house clearance, but I for one find it unfair and even immoral to be providing free building improvements to residents and businesses when other residents are suffering such hardship because of the lack of available resources. 

 

Well, this post isn't meant just to draw attention to the shortcomings of our present local and national government and their policies, though I'm not going to apologise for highlighting this particular injustice. It seems though that these perimeter walls and railings are with us now, all bought and paid for, and it does help in the outward appearance of the area, even if the real suffering there remains hidden.

 

The walls are all of a standard dark brick and stone construction, though of different heights. Most of them are topped by iron railings; these are cast iron, not wrought, and the walls adjacent to the pavement have the occasional ornamental casting at irregular intervals along their length. There are a number of different statuettes distributed along the walls; I think I've found most of them, and I've included pictures of the ones I've seen, here. 

 

30 Day Song Challenge Day 9 - A Song That I Can Dance To

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

First things first: I can't dance.

I'm awful at parties, preferring to concentrate on conversation instead of dancing. As I've got older that's become less of a problem (perhaps confirming that I've always been just a bit too old for my age,) but during my youth, dancing, though not compulsory was the thing to do, and the only real way to be sure of interacting with the opposite sex (in public at least.).

Of course there were always the slow smoochy dances, usually near the end of the evening, and these, even someone like me could cope with, despite having two left feet; added to this, I wouldn't feel like I was making an exhibition of myself, PLUS it was the best way I could think of to get that bit closer to girls.

There were a number of  songs that were played specifically to get couples on the floor for a slow dance, and this is the one I remember most, though I don't remember the bit of flute/recorder at the end of it; (perhaps that's only on the album this Youtube clip is lifted from?)

30 Day Song Challenge Day 8 - A Song That I Know All The Words To

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

There are lots of songs I think I know all the words too; there are lots of songs that I'm sure I knew all the words to.

But we often mis-hear the odd lyric and carry on for years oblivious of the fact that we've got the odd word or phrase wrong somewhere. There were songs in the past that I was certain I knew all the words to, but as memory fades, I've discovered whilst singing along, that some of those words have slipped my mind over the years.

I'm taking no chances here; even though I first heard this song back in the seventies, I can say without fear of contradiction that I still know ALL the words to it: All TWELVE of them.

"One of these days I'm going to cut you into leetle pieces".

Pink Floyd-One Of These Days

30 Day Song Challenge Day 7 - A Song That Reminds Me Of A Certain Event

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

"Hull Fair" October 1972

Hull Fair occurs every year, for a week in early October. Most people in Hull have memories of their childhood experience at the fair, and for teenagers, it still forms part of their passage into adulthood.

Music plays a big part in the festival that is Hull Fair. Most of the rides play music, and your ears are met with a cacophony of sound as you arrive; if you stay in one place long enough, you'll be subjected to a medley of the songs that are in the singles chart at the time.

Certain songs though, actually remain in people's memory, such that when they're heard at a later date, they're recalled specifically as 'Hull Fair Music.'

For me, a few such songs stand out from my teenage years, but the ones that have lingered in the 'Hull Fair Music' compartment of my memory the most, are those songs that I wouldn't have normally listened to at any other time of year.

This is one such song from the early '70s. Even now when I hear it, I think back to the days of my irresponsible youth: spending every penny I could lay my hands on, just to be present at the fair on as many days as I could manage throughout that magical week; wandering around with crowds of friends, trying our inexperienced best to pick up girls; standing up on the 'speedway' ride, because we thought it made us look tough and would impress any girls present; riding the 'waltzers', the 'pendulum', the 'meteorite' the 'dive bombers' amongst many other rides. Eating candy floss and toffee apples, and devouring tasteless hot dogs and very suspect hamburgers. Ah! Nostalgia!



For more information about Hull Fair, including pictures, see "All The Fun Of The Fair - 707 Years On"

30 Day Song Challenge Day 6 - A Song That Reminds Me Of Somewhere

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

Two places really: The lounge bar of 'The Silver Cod' public house, Corner of Springfield Road/Anlaby Road, Hull, April/May 1976, (also known back then, as Riley High School sixth form's reserve common room.) and Flatford Mill Field Studies Centre, East Bergholt, Suffolk, Oct/Nov 1975.

The October previously, about 6 or 7 of us had spent a week on a biology field course at Flatford Mill, Suffolk, and while there we'd become friends with the only other large group on the biology course: A group of girls from 'The Royal Masonic School For Girls' in Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire if I remember correctly.

As a bunch of common northern lads we were a little taken aback by these daughters of the gentry, but the rough edges we all quite obviously displayed, seemed to work like a magnet on this group of young ladies.

My friend Dave Jewitt was particularly enamoured of one of them: a Miss Amanda Chatwin, a young lady who was particularly well spoken and from an incredibly different background to ours. Think of a teenage 'Margo Leadbetter' in wellies and headscarf and you won't be far off.

When this single was released in the Spring of '76, Dave Jewitt picked up on the 'Mandy' part in the title, though I'll stake my life that the Mandy we knew didn't end up working in airline cabin crew; he proceeded to put it on the Jukebox in the pub at every opportunity, (that is: whenever he had change from the bar, or when he could scrounge the odd 10p from the rest of us.)

I do like this song, but everytime I hear it, I think back to those times of teenage camaraderie with jukebox plays at 10p each or 3 for 20p and cheap, really cheap beer (Mild Ale 16p/pint; Bitter 18p/pint; Lager 21p/pint - What can I say? I'm a Yorkshireman; I remember ale prices as much as I do songs!)

Please Help Us Keep The 'Royal Wee'

The letter that forms the content of this post was born of concern and desperation, but the style and the idea for it in the first place was inspired by the work of Sheena Ignatia, (her incredible comedy talent is showcased *here*)

Though I know I can't possibly come close to meeting Sheena's comedic level and I admit that I'd never have the nerve to send the letter in 'real life' (which I'm sure Sheena often does,) I thought the main idea contained in it is a reasonable one and worth expressing. Who knows, perhaps the intended recipient will come across it while 'blog surfing'.....

Dear The Queen,

Like most people, I'm a bit concerned about the effects that all these public spending cutbacks are likely to have, and though I haven't yet heard if there's any chance of it happening here in Hull, the other day I read about Manchester closing down all its public lavvies to save money.

Closing down the bogs might seem like a good idea to the council and their financial advisors, but when have they ever been in the situation where they've been caught short when the ones in the shopping centres have just been locked up? When have they been faced with a long walk home in the dark after the pubs have shut, and been desperate for a wee?

In Hull we have a tradition of putting our public khazis under statues of past monarchs, so apart from being public toilets, they're really your family heirlooms in a way as well. Under the circumstances I thought perhaps you could see your way to maybe stumping up to sponsor a couple of them.

We have a gents underneath a statue of King William III. (He's the one you never mention at Balmoral because the Scots all hate him. I bet your mum probably wasn't too keen on him either.)

It's said that years ago the cisterns above the urinals there used to be clear glass and had goldfish swimming in them, but since the 1960s the pee-trough there has had plain white ceramic ones instead. I don't know if the fish were uncle Billy's idea, but they say it was the animal cruelty people who put a stop to it. Did anyone bother to ask your opinion before they mucked about with your family's property? If you like the goldfish idea and there's enough money, perhaps we could find a non-cruel way of putting things back the way they were; not that you'd ever get to see it, but you could always ask Phil to check it out while you waited outside for him.

There's also both ladies and gents loos in the centre of Queen Victoria Square, with a statue of Victoria looking down on each of us disapprovingly as we pop in for a pee. Now I know these bogs have been short of cash for a while now, because in the old days they used to offer a wash and brush up service and everything, but nowadays there's only ever one attendant in each, and they close up as soon as the shops are shut.

We used to have lots of those 'superloo' things too, some of them were in streets named after members of your family, but they've all gone now. That's no great loss because they nearly always used to take your last 10p and refuse to open up, leaving you bursting for one.

That reminds me, I've heard you never carry change, so what do you do if you're in need of a piss and there's only pay-to-pee bogs available?

There used to be an ornamental fountain down King Edward street, that drunks used to pee in at night time; that's gone now too, but even if it hadn't it could hardly be described as a toilet (not by design anyway,) and the royal connection is a bit debatable since your uncle Eddie abdicated.

But even if we only have the two lavvies with obvious royal connections, it would be a nice touch if you could agree to sponsor at least one of them. That way you can sit on your own throne, knowing that you're helping the people of Hull to sit on theirs.

You needn't have to put your hand in your own pocket because I'm sure you could find some way of getting the government to sub you for it. You seem to have a lot more success getting money out of them than the rest of us do. Both of these lavs are currently free to use, but I suppose you could consider charging 5p or 10p a squat, (I know I'd probably pay that just to see the goldfish!) You wouldn't need to tell Cameron about that bit, so you'd be able to make a bit of pin money for yourself.

Drop me a line if you think this could be a goer.

Cheers,

Dave Bartlett.

PS. I'm not pulling your leg about the family connections. King William III was your Dutch ancestor and was around a few years before your lot (the German branch of the family,) got their feet under the table. Queen Victoria was your great, great granny on your dad's dad's side, married to that Albert Saxe-Coburg fella before your family got embarrassed about the daft name and changed it to Windsor (Good move that one: 'Barbara Saxe-Coburg' would have looked really crap in the carry on film credits - is she any relation by the way?)

If you doubt my information about your ancestors, feel free to check up on it on ancestry.com. It's a  bit pricey, but I think they let you have a free trial if you give them your credit card details first.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 5 - A Song That Reminds Me Of Someone

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

This song doesn't particularly remind me of my dad, but it reminds me of the time when he died and I lost him. I first heard this song about that time, and shared Mike Skinner's grief at the loss of his own father; now every time I hear it, I miss him so much (My dad, not Mike Skinner, obviously,) and it never fails to bring me to tears.

It's a shame that there's a restriction preventing me from embedding the official video here, so you'll have to make do with a 'lyrics' video

30 Day Song Challenge Day 4 - A Song That Makes Me Sad

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

This song is exceptionally sad, though at first it's not entirely clear why.

Is the singer struggling to deal with someone she has lost physically, and still feels the pain of her memories? Is she trying to cope with losing someone emotionally who's still physically present, there to remind her every day that any emotion he once felt has faded away?

The one thing that is clear from the song is that, though deprived of affection one way or another, the singer's own emotions are not likely to ever die away, and that fact alone is what makes it so sad.

I can certainly relate to that predicament, and I'm sure that a few of you reading this can too.

Clarity Begins At Home....

Apologies for the awful pun in the title, but to be honest, you wouldn't think that was the case when it comes to communication in my house. So many disagreements are caused in my family either because of avoidable misunderstandings, or because of one of us not listening to what the other is saying or trying to say....

Scenario One: My son is currently doing the third of a number of part time counselling courses at the university. He's otherwise unemployed, (following in the family business?) and so has a fair amount of spare time on his hands at the moment. He's currently into playing the computer game "Assassin's Creed" on the PC. I say 'into' but recently it's been more like 'obsessed with'. On Wednesday, he sat down at the PC around mid-afternoon and fired up the game.

Me: Don't stay on there too long David. Try to limit it to only about an hour.

Him: What?

Me: You were on there for about four or five hours yesterday. Restrict yourself to just an hour today if you can.

Him: (logging off) Oh fine! I won't bother going on then.

Me: Don't forget you have your prep work to do before your course tomorrow night. 

Him: Exactly!

Me: What?

Him: I need to be getting on with my work for uni..

Me: EXACTLY!

Him: Well how can I do it if you won't let me on the PC?

Me: It was you who logged off. I didn't tell you to.

Him: You did. You said I could only have an hour.

Me: I was talking about the game.

Him: So what happens if I can't finish my work in an hour then?

Me: I was talking about the GAME.

Him: I need the PC to do my prep work.

Me: I was talking about THE GAME!

(at this point Mrs B walked in from the kitchen to find out what all the hassle was about.)

Him: Mum! I need to do my work, and dad won't let me go on the PC!

I'm such an unreasonable parent!

Scenario Two: Mrs B firmly believes that she knows exactly what I'm going to say next in any given situation. She won't admit as much, and of course she couldn't possibly know that unless we had some type of telepathic link between us; but my wife is so convinced she possesses this special ability, that most times during a conversation, she'll forego the unnecessary chore of actually listening to what I say, and will instead use her special power to predict my next words, and thus she'll formulate her responses even before she's heard mine. The other day, we embarked on the fascinating discussion of what we should have for lunch.

Her: If you're going out, you could get some mayonnaise for tuna mayonnaise sandwiches.

Me: Do we have any tuna?

Her: Yes, I looked in the cupboard; we have three cans left.

Me: Three cans left? How many cans did you buy?

Her: I can't remember; about three weeks ago, I think.

Me: No. How many cans did you buy?

Her: Either Asda or Netto - Not Tesco, their tuna's always too expensive.

Me: (giving up on that line of enquiry) Can I have chopped gherkin in mine too, if we have any?

Her: You can get some if you're going to the shops.

Me: So we don't have any gherkins then?

Her: Someone will have to go; we've run out of mayonnaise.

Me: What about gherkins?

Her: No, I've got tuna. I have three cans from a multi-pack of five.

Me: Will you PLEASE just listen to what I say before you answer what you think I'm going to say?

Her: So don't you want tuna mayonnaise sandwiches then? Are you still going to the shop?

I went to the shop, if only to escape the madhouse!

30 Day Song Challenge Day 3 - A Song That Makes Me Happy

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

Well it makes me smile anyway: A LOT.

I love the way Syd Barrett wrote this song from a child's point of view, the way that the lyrics are expressed as though to give a special infantile importance to things that would normally appear so trivial.

I love the way it simplifies the idea of relationships. The whole thing gives an impression of a less complicated life, of a time when everything was so much easier, a time I think we all secretly look back on with nostalgia and with regret that our lives are no longer that simple.

Pink Floyd - Bike (Syd Barrett)

30 Day Song Challenge Day 2 - My Least Favourite Song

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

There are a lot of songs I dislike to varying degrees. Some songs bore me, some annoy me, but I tend to hate and detest whole genres of music (modern jazz, opera and country & western,) rather than individual songs.

This one though is the exception. I absolutely abhor this song. Let me explain my reasons:

1. They've taken a half decent tune and absolutely ruined it by writing a lyric, so inane and overly slushy that I can almost feel my fingers heading to the back of my throat every time I hear it. I'm all for lyrics with feelings, but this one is just over emotional without actually saying ANYTHING.
2. When it came out it was SO overplayed. Every time that bloody film was featured on the TV, we were subjected to yet another repeat performance of bloody Celine and her crappy song.
3. I know that to Celine Dion, English is a second language, and she doesn't speak it particularly well, (though she comes from a bi-lingual country, so I can only put that down to genetic French arrogance on her part,) but you'd think that she, and the producers of the song would at least do their best to actually sing an English lyric in English. The phrase I'm talking about is "my heart will go on and on," which for some inexplicable reason, Ms Dion seems insistent on delivering as "my heart will go on dand on." - This isn't even bloody English and is so annoying.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 1 - My Favourite Song

Go HERE for more details of The 30 Day Song Challenge.

Throughout my life, my musical taste has varied. I've gone through phases when my taste has gone through massive changes, and some music I was once devoted to is now, at best music I look back on with nostalgia.

I discovered Bruce Springsteen at a time when people of my age in the UK would say "Who?" if I mentioned his name. This will have been around the 'Greetings From Asbury Park' era. But there's a song on 'Born to Run' that even now, I still enjoy listening to. In my opinion it's Bruce's finest composition, and the album version is incredible. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be source for me to post that one from, but since discovering Youtube I've found that I'd missed out on a number of incredible live versions. (I don't remember him performing it at the only Springsteen concert I ever went to: Roundhay Park, July 7th 1985.) The best of these in my opinion is the one from The Hammersmith Odeon in 1975. My 'favourite song' changes from time to time, but I'm always happy to sit down and enjoy listening to this one:

30 Day Song Challenge

A lot of people are taking part in this meme, on Facebook and on their own blogs, to share with the world 30 songs that mean something personal to them. (Details of the Facebook meme are *HERE*)

I decided to give it a try here on my blog, partly because it gives me a chance to think about what songs affect me and also because it gives me an excuse to post to my blog every day for nearly a month without requiring much of the time and effort that posting usually requires.

The rules are that you have to post a song on your blog, every day for thirty days, according to the guidelines below.

As each day passes, I'll post the next song in the list. You can go straight to any that have already been posted, by clicking on the highlighted links in the list below:

DAY

01 - My favourite song                                               Bruce Springsteen : Jungleland

02 - My least favourite song                                       Celine Dion : My Heart Will Go On 

03 - A song that makes me happy                              Pink Floyd : Bike

04 - A song that makes me sad                                  Evanescence : My Immortal

05 - A song that reminds me of someone                    The Streets : Never Went To Church

06 - A song that reminds me of somewhere                 10cc : I'm Mandy, Fly Me

07 - A song that reminds me of a certain event            Elvis Presley : Burning Love 

08 - A song that I know all the words to                      Pink Floyd : One Of These Days

09 - A song that I can dance to                                  Chicago : If You Leave Me Now

10 - A song that makes me fall asleep                         America : A Horse With No Name

11 - A song from my favourite band                           Pulp : Sorted For Es And Wizz

12 - A song from a band I hate                                  Jamiroquai : You Give Me Something

13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure                           Amy Studt : Just A Little Girl 

14 - A song that no one would expect me to love        'Man Of La Mancha' Cast : The Impossible Dream

15 - A song that describes me                                   Van Der Graaf Generator : House With No Door

16 - A song that I used to love but now hate              Alice Cooper : Billion Dollar Babies 

17 - A song that I often heard on the radio                 Leona Lewis : Bleeding Love

18 - A song that I wish I heard on the radio                The Baseballs : Bleeding Love

19 - A song from my favorite album                            Green Day : Wake Me Up When September Comes

20 - A song that I listen to when I'm angry                  Edgar Winter Group : Frankenstein

21 - A song that I listen to when I'm happy                 Small Faces : Lazy Sunday

22 - A song that I listen to when I'm sad                     The Streets : Dry Your Eyes Mate

23 - A song that I want to play at my wedding             The Specials : Too Much Too Young

24 - A song that I want to play at my funeral               Pulp : Help The Aged

25 - A song that makes me laugh                               Linzey V : Torbados

26 - A song that I can play on an instrument               Motörhead : Ace Of Spades

27 - A song that I wish I could play                             Gerry Rafferty : Baker Street

28 - A song that makes me feel guilty                         The Cardigans : Iron Man

29 - A song from my childhood                                  The Hollies : Bus Stop

30 - My favourite song at this time last year                Marina And The Diamonds : Mowgli's Road

You'll see from the list, that not all of them are going to be songs you class as 'great songs' or even as 'good songs' so for anyone following this, prepare to take the rough with the smooth.

I hope some more of you will take part. If you do, be sure to post a comment here with a link to your blog, so I can pop over from time to time to check out your selections too.

All Greek To Me - Part 2 - Learning To Tell Your Arsis From Your Anceps

[See also 'All Greek To Me - Part 1 - Homer Is Where The Heart Is']

Ok, let's get straight to the point!

Understanding even the basics of classic greek dactylic hexameter (or 'heroic' hexameter) isn't easy, well not for me anyway: It doesn't help that I can't read ancient Greek (or modern Greek, for that matter;) it doesn't simplify things to discover that ancient Greek poetry was based on syllable weight, whereas most modern languages, including English use a syllabic system of accentual stress, and it only confuses matters to learn that the Romans came along and actually reversed the meanings of some of the terms.

OK, well if that's not enough to put you off, read on and I'll try to share at least part of what I've learned. (That'll be the part that I think I understand, then!)

First of all, you need to be able to accept that the ancient Greek poets seemed to be obsessed with bodily parts while writing poetry, (or perhaps they were obsessed with poetry, whilst marching and contemplating their fingers.)

Let's start by looking at the term 'Dactylic Hexameter.'

First of all: Hexameter. Even those with only a minimal understanding of Greek will know that 'hexa-' implies six, and that '-meter' derives from 'metron' meaning measure, so Hexameter means 'six metra' (metra is the correct plural of metron, but think 'metrons' instead if you like.) A metron is also known as a 'foot' and it's worth mentioning now that the 'metron' measure was also used to describe a single pace when marching. (remember that, it'll help to explain some of the other terms later on.)

Dactylic obviously means 'of dactyl' and dactyl means 'finger' (or 'toe' in some contexts, but we'll stick with finger for now.) Now it's easy to think of poetic structure in terms of measures and marching paces, but where the hell does the finger come in?

Take a moment to contemplate your finger (just like the ancient Greek poets must have done at some time,) or if that doesn't appeal, take a look at the illustration at the top of this post. You'll notice from the picture (or from your own digit,) that a finger contains three bones. (If you're looking at your thumb, stop that now! it only confuses things, and this is complicated enough to begin with!) Unless you have exceedingly fat fingers, you should be able to see that there's a long bone (nearest to the top knuckle,) followed by two short bones, as we travel down toward the fingertip. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, this long-short-short structure is replicated in the structure of a single metron in dactylic hexameter.

I mentioned before that ancient Greek verse was very much based on syllable weight, in that phonetically, ancient Greek as a language was typified by the existence of short vowels and long vowels. English has long and short vowels too, but it held more importance for Greek as a language. (Let's assume I mean ancient Greek from now on: modern Greek has very little bearing on this.)  With Greek, every syllable contained only one vowel, (ok, there was the occasional diphthong too) and each vowel being either long or short meant that words in Greek were made up of long syllables and short syllables.

This is where the point of the finger comes in (first term definition coming up) A dactyl is a metron comprising one long syllable, followed by two short syllables.

Now of course you'll have worked out by now from the 'hexameter' bit, that a Greek verse in the epic form, consists of six metra, so you'd be forgiven for thinking that it consisted of six dactyls, (after all, that's what dactylic hexameter means isn't it? 'six dactyls'?) but you'd be wrong, because if you think about it,

1. that would be a particularly monotonous structure for poetry,
2. it would be very difficult to tell where one verse ended and the next started, and 
3. things are never quite as simple as that.

First of all we need to look further into the structure of the metron, into the dactyl in particular, and to a couple of other forms which feature within dactylic hexameter (playing only supporting roles obviously, since they don't get a mention in the name.)

As a metron is related to a single pace when marching, (see, I told you that was worth mentioning earlier,) the metron is divided into two parts: (incoming terms warning,) The thesis, which is seen as the lowering of the marching foot, the stronger part, or the long syllable, and the arsis, which is related to the raising of the foot, the weaker portion or the two short syllables.

The first five metra, or first five feet of a verse in dactylic hexameter form are dactyls. This is always the case. Well, not quite, since there are variations, especially in Homerian epics, (the guy liked to cheat to make things easier, it seems,) but I'll ignore those to simplify things. (an opportunity for further reading for all of us perhaps?)

The sixth metron (terms alert!) is made up of a thesis followed by  an anceps (instead of an arsis.) The  thesis always contains a long syllable, but the anceps that follows will consist of either another single long syllable or a single short syllable. A metron with a long syllable anceps is called a spondee and one with a short syllable anceps is called a trochee.

So a typical verse in a Greek epic poem would either be of the form: 'dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, spondee' or 'dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, dactyl, trochee'.

Now since English is not dependent on long and short syllables as a rule, it's difficult to give examples of these in English, but just to give you a flavour, here are attempts at (meaningful?) examples of both:

Dum-diddy, dum-diddy, dum-diddy, dum-diddy, dum-diddy, dum-dum

(spondee form)

and

Doo-wop-wop, doo-wop-wop, doo-wop-wop, doo-wop-wop, doo-wop-wop, doo-wop

(trochee form)

It makes a lot more sense and sounds a hell of a lot more lyrical when you use proper words obviously, but hey, who has the time to learn Greek?

Now the complications...

1. As I said, Greek poets, and later the Roman ones, veered from the standard, sometimes more often than they adhered to it, so that variations in the structure often appeared, with metra other than dactyls appearing mid-verse. This had more to do with the inflexibilities of language than anything else, so wasn't so much about the poets cheating, more that they were, using poetic licence to make their jobs that little bit easier, (that IS cheating, I suppose.) If you're interested, read up on substitution, contraction, scansion, caesura and bridges.
2. The Romans came along and decided to give epic poetry a try themselves. This caused a number of problems since first of all Latin is an accentual stress based language like modern English, it still has long and short vowels but doesn't have such a fixed system of long and short syllables; also there are many more long vowels than short ones in Latin. This led to the spondee being dropped into the middle of verses where a dactyl should officially be, and eventually the expression of a long syllable was replaced by the stressed or accented syllable and the short syllable by an unstressed syllable. On top of that, for some reason the Romans decided to switch the definitions of the terms: 'arsis' and 'thesis' so that in Latin and all languages that come after, the arsis is the long or stressed syllable, and the thesis is what follows it.

In effect, though the variations from structure make the concept of dactylic hexameter much more complicated, the use of accent and stress as opposed to syllable weight has the effect of making Roman poems and later ones in modern language, sound much more poetic than the Greek (when recited in the original languages,) since the syllable weight method forced a more 'musical' sound into the verse.

So, who's going to impress me by going away and writing a verse in English, that adheres to the classical structure of dactylic hexameter then? I'll be watching the comments below eagerly.