David Mitchell and Robert Webb are a TV comedy double act. Their shows consist of one-off sketches, recurring sketches with regular characters, and scenes where they play characters who are meant to be themselves.
One of their recurring sets of sketches is known as 'Friends of...' and always takes the form of two characters (played by Mitchell and Webb of course,) sitting in their apartment deciding on a guest list for a forthcoming party. Each sketch centres on discussion of a particular famous character or characters as they discuss the pros and cons of inviting them to the party....
Webb: Oh well, if we're having Freddy, we've got to invite Daphne and Velma as well.
Mitchell: Oh yeah; those three are absolutely priceless, especially when Velma does her 'losing her glasses' routine.
Webb: Yeah, that kills me. Why doesn't she get contacts?
Mitchell: Oh, I think it's a lesbian thing.
Webb: Ooh! I've just had a thought.
Mitchell: What?
Webb: Well, if we invite Freddy, Daphne and Velma, there's a chance they'll bring that other one.
Mitchell: Oh God! The scrawny one? The one that doesn't wash? What's his name?
Webb: Well, we don't know. I mean, he calls himself 'Shaggy' but I certainly don't believe that's his name. I think it's some kind of hollow sexual boast.
Mitchell: I think it definitely is. He's desperately trying to present himself as some sort of stud, despite being quite ugly and incredibly cowardly. The last time I saw him, he was literally shaking, and he spent most of the evening scampering up and down a very long corridor that happened to be there.
Webb: Well, that's certainly no way to make people have sex with you; but maybe we're being harsh on him. I mean, he's so thin and he's always shaking. He's probably in the throes of some gritty smack battle. Let's ask him along.
Mitchell: Yeah. I mean, how much harm can he do? (pauses) All though....
Webb: What?
Mitchell: Well, there's a chance, just a small one, that he might bring his dog.
Webb: Oh! Not his bloody dog! He won't bring his dog. People don't bring their dogs to parties.
Mitchell: Shaggy does. If anyone is going to bring a dog to anything, he is going to bring his dog to this.
Webb: He treats that dog like it's a person. It's creepy. You know, I think that dog must have been mistreated in the past: it's incredibly nervous. You remember that Halloween party that Shaggy was at? Every time a new person came in dressed as a ghost or whatever, the dog would have an absolute fit, make the most unnatural noises and jump into Shaggy's arms. I was convinced it was going to shit everywhere!
Mitchell: Yeah well, I tell you, that's not the worst of it. You remember at Jodie's do? You remember Jodie: her dad owns that disused fairground; well, I was just popping to the kitchen for some more ice, and who should I find but Shaggy and his dog, assembling the two tallest sandwiches I have ever seen.
Webb: I know. They made one the last time they were here, (takes a three foot tall sandwich from the fridge,) but they had a freak out before they could eat it.
Mitchell: I think it's cruel to make a dog eat that.
Webb: I tell you what: I think Shaggy must be very bitter, because he's obviously invested a lot of time in teaching that dog to talk, and it just can't. Maybe he thought he was going to get it on "That's Life" or something, but it's just not happened.
Mitchell: Yes, which is a pity really, because the dog's nephew, also a dog, a little puppy, actually talks very well.
Webb: Oh that's right! I've met that little dog, and it actually speaks very good English. It's also quite a lot braver, if a little impetuous.
Mitchell: It is a little impetuous, yes, but I think you have to forgive that of a talking dog.
Webb: Yes, I think you do. I think you do.
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